It's bad enough that East Coast liberals want to destroy this amazing country of ours - this SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY - with their degenerate atheist, communist, homosexual agendas, but now they've done something so heinous that even this SON OF THE GREAT HEARTLAND is fuming with rage.
Why, I can hardly contain my righteous indignation!
If I wasn't head organist of the First Church of Liberty City and a role model for Christian youth in my community, I might even be inclined to burst forth with a slew of invectives at the odious and nefarious machinations of these destroyers of that which is good, noble, and pure in our great nation.
And what is it, you might ask, that has so enraged me???
Why, it is the sudden and inexplicable increase in the wholesale price of sorghum on the U.S. Grains Commodities Market from $255.00 per metric ton to a ghastly $273.00 per metric ton in a little over three months!
Sweet Lord, it's difficult enough to convince Americans to give up their perverse love affair with inferior grain products--wheat, barley, and millet--but now we also have to deal with insanely high commodity prices for that most wholesome and pure of all GOD'S GREAT GRAINS -- sweet, savory, sublime SORGHUM!
It's enough to make a true SON OF THE WORD like yours truly almost give in to despair!
But fear not, faithful readers, for I am on my way to that DEN OF ALL VICE AND INIQUITY itself, Washington, DC, to ask my congressional representative, the honorable Tim Huelskamp, to call for an inquiry in the House of Representatives into what I believe is an evil plot to manipulate the price of sorghum on the commodities market.
As President of the Sorghum Association of America, I am privy to highly classified information that most Americans are unaware of. And I am convinced that a great conspiracy has been hatched between the Communist Party of America and NAMBLA to manipulate the price of sorghum in order to create a coup to take over this great country of ours! It's true, as God is my witness!!!
Just imagine what the results of this plot would be: the price of sorghum would increase so dramatically that parents would not be able to serve their children sorghum and pudding pie, sorghum souffle would be available only in the most affluent of households, and the sorghum-based lotions that pious Christian mothers rub on their baby's sore bottoms would be priced right out of the market.
If you believe, as I do, in GOD, TRUTH, COUNTRY, and JUSTICE, then be sure to contact your local representative in Congress and tell them to FIGHT THE EVIL MANIPULATION of the sorghum commodities market!
God bless America
and
God bless sorghum, America's most wholesome grain!!!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Facts...and Only the Facts
I've gotten involved in a debate with liberal, East Coast academics concerning THE FACTS about the human condition. You see, these snobby atheists types doubt the truth of the Holy Bible, which everyone knows is the word of God Himself as revealed to man. They doubt that human life has any rhyme, reason, or purpose.
But this Son of the Word set the academics straight, informing them about THE REAL FACTS OF LIFE:
Fact #1: The world was created by God who is all perfect, all loving, and all knowing. This fact has been established by all the great religions of the world and the greatest thinkers throughout the centuries.
Fact #2: We have been created for a purpose: to know, love, and serve God. To the extent that we do this, our lives are not meaningless or absurd. They have a very clear and definite purpose.
Fact #3: Death is certainly not the end of life. Those who have been saved have the promise of eternal life with the Father in heaven. We are merely passing through this world on our way to the next, like travelers to a more beautiful distant land. We may have trials and tribulations in this life, but they are nothing compared to the treasures that await us in the next life.
Fact #4: Those who deny the Father or his Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, will be subject to His judgment and will not experience the heavenly bliss promised to those who have been saved. This has clearly been established in Scripture: "“Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the Eternal Fire (HELL) prepared for the Devil and His Demons." (Matt 25:41)and "That is the way it will be at the End of the World. The Angels will come and separate the Wicked people from the Righteous, throwing the Wicked into the FIERY FURNACE, where there will be WEEPING AND GNASHING OF TEETH." (Matt 13:49-50)
These are THE FACTS that all true believers know, but which atheists in their arrogance and self-absorption have forgotten.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Trials and Tribulations
Source: Sweetwater Times Herald Tribune (March 23, 2012) |
That praise, I can assure you, made my sufferings at the hand of these environmental idolaters more easy to bear. And I went to sleep last night with sweet dreams of the wrath that will inevitably befall the ungodly when HE returns in his glory.
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