ONLY 285 DAYS LEFT!!!

The divinely inspired Pastor Raftor of the First True Church of Christ in beautiful Liberty City, Kansas spoke last week to a group of youngsters at the Church's Youth Day celebrations.  The children, who varied in age from 6-14, participated with their relatives in a session called, “Preparing For the Rapture: How Not to Get Caught With Your Pants Down When Our Savior Comes in all His Glory to Judge the Living and the Dead.”

I was there with my nephew Mordecai, who lately has begun to follow his wise old uncle into battle against the forces of Satan that are all around us—atheists, homosexuals, communists, and, of course, mimes.  Like me, Mordecai understands just how insidious the great mime conspiracy is.  He even said to me the other day, “Uncle Lance, doesn’t it seem likely that the GREAT SATAN in the White House practices the evil art of mimery in the Oval Office when no one is watching?” (How perceptive is that, I ask you?)  I told him, yes, that GREAT SOCIALIST MALFACTOR is most certainly a leader of the MIME CONSPIRACY, along with Hilary Clinton (also a practicing witch) and the Catholic Pope (who keeps his mime costume hidden under his opulent robes).

Back to the youth conference.  Pastor Raftor began by chasing the demons out of some teenage girls in the audience who were seduced by the FATHER OF ALL LIES into wearing UNGODLY ATTIRE that could lead young men to lust in their hearts and lascivious thoughts in their minds.  He then shocked all of us by revealing that God had told him that the Rapture was coming sooner than any of us had thought:  285 days from now, he said, the righteous will be raised up into GLORY and the wicked (including all Catholics, Jews, Standup Comics, East and West Coast Dwellers, and, of course, men who don the garb of women for pleasure or profit) will be cast into THE FIREY PIT.

The children were in tears; the adults fell to the ground with great groans and heavy sighs, praying to the Almighty to have mercy.  But I was not afraid.  For I, Lance B. Dowd, son of Irma and Bob V. Dowd, know without a shred of doubt that I am certainly one of GOD’S ELECT.  For were I not, why, I ask you, would OUR HEAVENLY FATHER have inspired me to form the JESUSLAND DEVELOPMENT CORPORATION, LLC (our motto:  “Wait out the Rapture in comfort and style.”)

http://gnc1.blogspot.com/2013/07/more-on-jesusland.html

It’s sad for me to think that most of you reading this will be left behind when “THAT AWESOME AND TERRIFYING TIME” comes.  But that’s what you get for not embracing the TRUE FAITH OF OUR LORD, for consorting with WANTON WOMEN and SHAMELESS MEN, for lusting after THE WICKED THINGS OF THIS WORLD and LAUGHING, LAUGHING, LAUGHING instead of wailing with “TEARS OF TRUE REPENTENCE” for your sinful, ungodly lives.  God is indeed merciful and loving, but he’s also a “VENGEFUL GOD,” who will allow sinners like all of you to stew in the fires of your own inequity during those last days while demons pick at your entrails.  That’s called “THE MYSTERIOUS WAYS OF DIVINE JUSTICE.”

Of course, if you want to try to be saved, you can always join us waiting out the Rapture at Jesusland in Plano, Texas (voted sixth most conservative town in the USA).  Besides being a very Jesus-friendly place to live, Plano is also the corporate headquarters of some of God’s favorite multinational companies like  Frito-Lay, Dr. Pepper, and home of the new custom-built Pizza Hut Park.  Elegant homes for elegant evangelicals starting at just $142,000!  That’s a bargain that might just save you when the end times come in 285 DAYS!

COME TO JESUSLAND STARTING AT $145,000

The end of the world is coming soon. The signs are all there: gay marriage, people starting to believe in the MYTH of global warming, and MIMES taking control of our government. Can anyone doubt that every decision Obama makes is initiated by the MIME CONSPIRACY?

There's no better time to leave to Home of Satan and come to Jesusland than NOW. We have the TRUTH and the RIGHTEOUSNESS. All our women are fertile as the plains of Jordan and as wholesome as delicious sorghum (God's favorite grain). There are no liberals, feminists, atheists, homosexuals, or scientists in Jesusland, so your faith won't become corrupted the way it does in New York or California.

3 bedroom homes with elevated rapture viewing decks starting at $145,000! As a plus you get Rick Perry as your governor, the most restrictive abortion laws in the nation, and, best of all, ABSOLUTEY NO GOVERNMENTAL REGULATIONS. You can carry your AK47 in public, kill endangered species, and make fun of pants-wearing, male-hating feminists (not that there are any of these left in Texas).

Join us soon...for end times are near and you want to be where Jesus can find you during the Rapture!!!See More

And Moses ascended up to the summit of Mt. Tabor and lo before him he saw a burning bush -- a bush that burned but did not get consumed (THE FIRST PROOF).

And a voice cried out unto him from the wilderness (THE SECOND PROOF) and said, "Who goest there?"

And Moses, in his great trepidation, said, "It is I, Moses, son of Levi, who formerly dwelled in the house of Pharoah, but thanks to the great miracle of the Lord (THE THIRD PROOF) has cometh unto this place."

And the voice was silent.

And Moses, trembling in fear, asked, "but who are you?"

And the voice responded, "I AM WHO AM." (THE FOURTH AND FINAL PROOF)

..............

EXEGESIS

There can be no "I am Who Am" unless there is "I AM" first. The four proofs hing on the final proof -- the essence of being inherent in he who is and he who always has been and he who always will be. The being whose being is eternal being.

Therefore, those who deny God's existence are fools and madmen. For if he did not exist...

1) who burnt the bush? and
2) who cried out from the wilderness? and
3) who made the miracles that freed the Israelites? and
4) who is the "is" who is in the name of the Lord?

----
From: The Collected Sermons of Pastor Mordecai Rafter (Sweetwater, TX: Living Word Press, 2007)

Reply

Coming Soon to a Christain Community Near You!!!

Only 747 more days until the rapture (Pastor Rafter says that it is more like 456 days but he doesn't have a minor in Christian anthropology like I do, so he can be forgiven for his miscalculation). I can hardly wait, because I have been assured that I will be among the elect. East coast liberals, mimes, men who don the garb of females for pleasure or profit, and the entire population of San Franciso will unfortunately experience the wrath of Jehovah on those LAST DAYS. The BOOK OF BOOKS, after all, assures us that the LORD is "just in his righteous anger at the wicked." And who deserves his insatiable anger more than those involved in the great LIBERAL-ATHEIST-COMMUNIST-MIME CONSPIRACY?!??!

WISDOM SHARED WITH THE NEXT GENERATION

I took my nephew Mordecai recently on a stroll outside of Liberty City where we live to see the GOD'S GREATEST CREATION -- wholesome fields of nutritious KANSAS SORGHUM. I cry every time I see these ...waving fields of sorghum, and not just because I'm President of the U.S. Sorghum Association.

Sorghum reminds me of exactly why we have been put on this planet - to sow our good Christian seed in the fertile womb of devout DAUGHTERS OF THE WORD and this populate the world with GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE.

While we were walking along Country Road 97, I shared a few bits of wisdom that I had gained from my 37 years on this planet with my nephew Mordecai. You may profit from hearing these ETERNAL TRUTHS yourself:

1) Stay away from mimes. They are spawns of the devil who have been put on earth to tempt young men with their lascivious machinations.

2) Don't believe East Coast liberals when they tell you that the world is coming to and end because of Global Warming. The world is coming to an end, but it's because God wants to make the wicked (Democrats, environmentalist, socialists, atheists, and anyone living on either satanic coast) suffer his wrath.

3) Beware woman. She is a temptress who will lead you down the path of unrighteousness just as she did poor Adam. Only a PURE DAUGHTER OF THE WORD can provide you with the SWEET CONSOLATIONS of Christian love without causing your eternal soul to be damned!

4) Beware the liberal, atheist, environmentalist, homosexual, mime agenda. These SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF THE DEVIL are everywhere, and just waiting to corrupt your God-fearing Christian soul.

More to come later....

 

 

GOVERNMENT - FREEDOM + SOCIALISM = TYRANNY

When I said in 2012 that the only presidential candidate who could lead us from the path of UNRIGHTEOUSNESS that our nation is on was the very lovely, very brilliant, and very virtuous Michelle Ba...chmann, EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITISTS laughed at me. And now we see what the consequences are of allowing our proud nation to fall into the hand of ISLAMIC-LOVING, MARXISTS like Obama and his EFFETE, "INTELLECTUAL" crowd.

LIBERTY is destroyed.
GOD'S LAW is mocked in the wanton cities of the EAST and WEST COASTS.
HOMOSEXUALS and MIMES are entrenched in the highest position of government.
and GOD'S TRUE SERVANTS, like myself, are persecuted daily by the FEMINIST, ENVIRONMENTALISTS fanatics who run our country.

Today the government goes after the TEA PARTY. But I guarantee you that tomorrow they will attack our most sacred American institution -- the U.S. Sorghum industry, of which I am darn proud to be an important part of. As President of the U.S. Sorghum Association (headquarters: beautiful and wholesome Liberty City, Kansas) I know that there are those in positions of power who would destroy our sorghum, if they could. After all, sorghum represents everything these MALIGNANT, MALIGNERS, and MACHINATORS detest about our country.

Sorghum is WHOLESOME, PURE, TRUE, and GOOD FOR YOU. Just like the sublime word of our LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. And just like Christ's word is it TASTY TOO!

But fear not: This Proud SON OF WORD will never let the federal government try to destroy our precious sorghum. As the secretary for the Jesus-Land Real Estate Project, I have personally invested over $450 of my own resources to buy land in Denton County, Texas (voted 13th most Christian county in the U.S.!) where GOD'S CHOSEN can live together in perpetual, not genital, spiritual bliss and sorghum can grow free and wild, like God's manna in the desert.

WILL ANYONE JOIN ME IN ESTABLISING JESUSLAND before the forces of UNRIGHTEOUSNESS AND MIME-LOVING EVIL completely destroy our nation?

Lance B. Dowd
Liberty City

 

 

Bewareth of the Mime

Original art work for my anti-mime campaign, now in its 7th glorious year.