When Jesus Cometh

There's a lot of talk these days from Christian liberals that makes our master Jesus Christ out to be some kind of do-gooder who became incarnate to teach us about things like love, forgiveness, and human fellowship. Now I'm not saying that these sort of feel-good ideas don't have some small role to play in his teachings (I'm sure you can find them in the Gospels, if you look hard enough).  And, of course we should help our fellow man if it doesn't get in the way of taking care of our families, tending to our properties, and earning our keep on this planet.  But that's not why God ultimately took on human form.

You see, what I have learned from my many years studying HIS WORD and teaching Sunday School at the First Methodist Church of beautiful Liberty City is that our God is a jealous God who demands that we LOVE HIM WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, REPENT OUR WAYS, and SIN NO MORE.  This is what our Master came to teach us when he took on human form in Judea over two-thousand years ago. 

The prize of following HIS WAY is salvation.  For you see, I believe that some of us have been chosen to suffer among the ungodly, so that we might have the blessings of eternal life with Christ Almighty after death.  Just imagine it: an eternity singing his praises, worshiping him, loving him, bowing down before him, and submitting joyfully to him in his rapturous glory!  I ask you: what could be more wonderful than that?  I guess that's why they call it heaven!!!

But what of those who transgress HIS LAWS?  What will happen to those wicked men and women on the last days? Pastor Rafter, who is as as wise a man as I have found in this life, says that they will endure unspeakable torments at the hands of the minsters of the Anti-Christ:  endless agony for those who "laugh now, but who later will wail unceasingly." 

But I have my own theories about what will happen to the ungodly in the next life, and I think they are much worse than the torments of hell preached by the good Pastor Rafter.  I think that the wicked will actually be forced to spend eternity engaging in all the sinful actions that have condemned them--fornication, drunkenness, idleness, gambling, homosexuality, making lewd jokes, smoking marijuana, listening to rock and roll, and reading salacious materials.  But, while the righteous will be permitted to obsequiously grovel before our Lord and sing his praises "till the heavens cease to be," the unrighteous will be locked out of the CELESTIAL TEMPLE.  Let's see how long it is before these folks begin to tire of  their vices and beg to be let in to grovel before the Lord with the Elect.  But the "door will remain barred to the sodomite and the shameless woman." 

That is truly the worst punishment that I could ever imagine!  You don't have to worry, though, if you are among God's Elect.  But how will you know if you are among those who will be saved?  It's not quite so easy to figure this out, but if you are in any of the following groups there's a very good chance that your experiences during the rapture will not be quite as pleasant as it will be for those of us who "have cast off all thoughts of this life for the life beyond":

Catholics (and all other Christians not of the Covenant)
Mormons
Buddhists
Hindus
Muslims
Reformed Jews
East Coast Dwellers
Homosexuals
Pornographers (and all smut peddlers)
Those who lie with beasts of the field or barn
Democrats (and all other godless liberals)
Communists
The Chinese

This, of course, is an incomplete list.  Anyone who is "of this world" will not be permitted entry into the next world.  In the end, only a handful of us may be raised up at the end times and the rest condemned.  Let's just call that the MYSTERIOUS JUSTICE OF THE LORD!