Waiting for Ms Right

People always ask me if it is difficult being a 37 year old virgin.  And I tell them that it's no more difficult for me than it was for our master, Jesus Christ.  He was only 33 years old when he ascended to his glory, but that's still 33 years on this planet without the comforts and consolations afforded by the gentler sex.

Now, I sure as heck could have settled down a long time ago with any number of fine women.  My job playing in organ in church provides ample opportunities for me to banter and share anecdotes with the young ladies who attend services at the First Methodist Church here in good old Liberty City.  And some of them are quite gentle on the eyes too.  One of these young ladies even offered to help relieve me of the load I am carrying and invited me back to her place after Church one afternoon for "sweet consolations."  I assured her, however, that my load is no greater than that of our Savior, and I was just as happy as he to bear it without complaint. 

One day, I'm sure, I'll find a woman from the great heartland who shares my passions for Church music, sorghum propagation, and LIBERTY (i.e., opposition to the great Socialist agenda).  And when I find that sweet miss, I'll most assuredly ask for her hand in marriage and sow her ripe womb with my righteous seed.  It's the duty of all GOD-fearing, liberty-loving, sons of sorghum to spread their seed on this planet before the rapture comes and takes them away.  And if I fail to bear offspring, how are they going to enjoy the pleasure of seeing the iniquitous (i.e., East Coast communists, atheists, and homosexuals) burn in the great ARMAGEDDON that has been prophesied to come.

Enough of all this day-dreaming.  It's almost time for Billy McPherson's accordion lesson!

I can dream, can't I?