My Choice for President of These United States of America

Friends of mine in beautiful Liberty City keep asking me who I plan to support for President of these United States of America after those two true CHILDREN OF THE WORD, Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann were forced to withdraw from the race because of the lack of faith on the part of the Republican party establishment.   Now I have no doubts that either Rick or Michele would have made a fine president, despite their obvious limitations (him being a Catholic and her being a woman).  Both are GOD-FEARING, BIBLE-LOVING, ABORTION AND HOMOSEXUAL-HATING prophets of TRUTH AND LIBERTY.  Michele Bachmann is also quite a looker, if you ask me, and I often dream of finding a woman just like her with whom to sire the next generation of God-loving Dowds.

I told my best friend, and fellow Sorghum lover, Jeff Klinestuck, the general manager of the Humbolt County Feed Emporium in Homer, Kansas, that all I ask for in a presidental candidate is someone who...

• believes in the LITERAL TRUTH of Scripture and who does not question that TRUTH even in the darkest recesses of his heart.
• Those who do not believe in the literal truth of scripture will never understand this principle, which I call THE FIRST PRINCIPLE OF ALL CREATION AND THAT PRINCIPLE FROM WHICH ALL OTHER MORAL PRINCIPLES FLOW.
• If they don't understand this principle in their HEART OF HEARTS then they cannot be saved and therefore should not be voting for the next President of our Christian nation.

Based upon this first principle [which is also the FIRST AND MOST SUBLIME PRINCIPLE OF POLITICS], it follows that a true SON OF THE WORD who is a presidential candidate must also be one who...

• hates abortion with his whole heart mind and soul and hates those women who would murder their offspring with equal venom in his HEART OF HEARTS.
• for God has declared in Scripture "THOU SHALT NOT KILL THE INNOCENT."
• based upon this principle, which I call THE FIRST PRINCIPLE OF LIFE, this SON OF THE WORD must also support capital punishment and second amendment rights, for it follows that, if God loves the innocent, then he hates the evil-doer and wants his faithful to arm themselves against them with weapons of their choice.

• hates the homosexual with equal venom
• for God has made it clear in Scripture that a man shall not put his member in, on, or near, another man's member in wanton desire and a woman may not place her lips on another woman's bosom or belly under penalty of death.
• This principle, which I call THE FIRST PRINCIPLE OF CONGENITAL MISCREATION, is not spelled out exactly in Scripture but is sufficiently implied to warrant acceptance by all.
• for, although "the heathen and apostate may not interpret God's law, the man who has been chosen to be among the elect, may."  And I am such a man or I would not be writing this right now.

•  hates the liberal environmentalist wacko who would deny the fruits of profit to the legitimate, God-fearing businessman in his deluded quest to "heal" the planet.
• But the planet cannot be healed, because it has not been harmed.  Why, Rush Limbaugh has proven that the planet is actually in better shape today than it ever has been in at least a million years. And, if you don't believe this, then you are beyond reason.
• And you must infer from this that all this idle chatter about Global-warming is an evil  liberal hoax designed to cause consternation to God's faithful.
• and, even if the planet is being destroyed by our actions -- which it is most certainly NOT -- this is God's will and we must accept it joyfully, since it will bring about the Rapture all the sooner.
• and, if you don't like this idea, then you most certainly are not one of God's elect. 

• loves America like a sweet young virgin unsoiled by the degenerate poisons of our age and who has hips broad enough to sire a dozen or more manly offspring and who loves the Lord with a pure and unadulterated love and whose smile is as pure as the first snows of winter and whose loins are undefiled by human members.  
• This is America as personified by Sara Palin, who, along with Michele Bachmann, is the ultimate symbol of American purity in our wanton age!

• loves freedom and liberty with the very core of his being, because FREEDOM is God's first and most wonderful gift to mankind.
• I call this THE SECOND PRINCIPLE OF GOD'S SACRED GIFT OF LIBERTY, the first being LIVE FREE OR DIE and the third being THERE IS NO FREEDOM WITHOUT ASSAULT WEAPONS.

Based upon these exacting standards, my choice for President of the United States is Terry Jones,a devoted minister of the WORD from a legitimate congregation, who hates the feminist-abortionist-homosexual-liberal agenda with his whole heart and soul and who loves his country and defends FREEDOM like a true PATRIOT.

...and that is exactly why I'm supporting TERRY JONES FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012.

And in case you were considering voting for some candidate other than Terry Jones for President, consider this....

• It has been proven that Obama--who isn't even a real American--is a radical Islamic operative who has been put in power to destroy Christianity, undermine our American way of life, and hand the entire nation over to the SONS of MOHAMMED to usher in a long dark age of Muslim dominance over all of us.
• Mitt Romney is a Mormon....enough said.

TERRY JONES FOR PRESIDENT 2012