The Ultimate Discrimination

Liberals are constantly up in arms about discrimination—discrimination towards minorities, the poor, women, gays…you name it.  But I personally think that it’s just a myth that these groups are discriminated against.   Why, gays, for example, never had it better in this country than they do right now.  They’ve taken over most of our government and are rapidly becoming the majority in places like New York, Vermont, and California.   Soon we’ll all be forced to drink lattes and spend all of our time watching the Home Shopping Network.

And minorities sure can’t complain about anything, because one of their own has seized the White House.  In fact, it’s predicted that by 2050 the original white population of this amazing country of ours will wither away to practically nothing.  I’ve even heard statistics by those in the know about this issue that by 2087 there will only be about 23 people left in the country with pure Anglo-Saxon genes left uncontaminated by interracial fraternization, and all 23 will be living in Hopewell Junction, Montana (I’m saving up to buy some property there myself, just in case these predictions prove to be accurate).  The rest of the country will be some big melting pot filled with people whose gene pools have been so diluted by sordid misogynistic fraternization that they won’t even know what race they belong to! 

So I don’t really believe much in all these tales about discrimination that liberals keep dredging up.  It’s just an excuse to make good, honest, hardworking, heterosexual males like me feel guilty for the extraordinary blessings that I’ve received from the Almighty as a reward for our utter and complete fidelity to HIS WORD and HIS COVENANT.  Believe me, God knows darn well who deserves to reap the material blessings of this world and the spiritual blessings of HIS HEAVENLY KINGDOM and who doesn’t.  So if you’re a godless, effeminate liberal living in some degenerate big city like New York or San Francisco and you’re having a hard time in life, my advice to you is to stop moaning and complaining about how the world’s discriminating against you, and get some TRUE FAITH quickly so that you can become one of God’s chosen like me.  Then you’ll have all the blessings that you want in life and money will come pouring into your wallet like manna from heaven.  And if you don’t believe this then read the Bible, which is HIS WORD, and your mind will become open to THE TRUTH.

But enough of my sermonizing. 

What I really wanted to talk about is the ONLY REAL FORM of discrimination that still exists in this fallen world of ours.  This is TRUE INJUSTICE that should make every GOD-FEARING man, woman, and child take up arms and DEMAND JUSTICE!  What I’m talking about, of course, is the latest report from the U.S. Grains Council that shows where all of our U.S. agricultural subsidies are going. 

As you can see, inferior crops like corn, wheat, soybeans, cotton, and rice are getting almost all of your tax dollars.  And what about sorghum—that purest and most wholesome of all grains, the grain that God himself gave mankind as sustenance for our earthly bodies?  Why the entire sorghum industry only received a pitiful $249 million dollars in federal subsidies in 2010.  Can you believe it?

Now, in general, like all good Christian conservatives, I’m opposed to just about every form of tax ever conceived.  I sure don’t want my hard-earned money confiscated by the government and used to pay for some inner-city, unmarried, welfare queen’s fancy penthouse apartment or pay for educational programs to turn our children into HOMOSEXUAL, ATHEIST  SOCIALISTS (as the current administration would like).  In fact, I’d like to see just about every federal program strangled at birth, like some malformed chicken with five legs who has no right living anyway.   

But if we’re going to use tax dollars for anything, I can think of nothing more proper than to use them to subsidize the great American sorghum industry, which has given the world so many wonderful products that make life worth living.  Can you imagine, for example, not having sorghum and tuna casserole at your local Church picnic?  It would be unthinkable!!!

Folks like Delmar DuPree, President of the Wheat Growers Council of America, would tell you that the reason why wheat crops got $1.7 billion in subsidies is because God’s heavenly wafer consumed at the Last Supper was made from partially refined, bleached wheat.  But I think that there is some real debate about this from scripture scholars these days.  In fact, I was reading in my handy Bob Jones Biblical Concordance that the grain out of which the blessed loaf consumed by OUR MASTER and his disciples was made could have been any number of different grains common in the Holy Land.  And guess what grain is often grown there?  That’s right: good, wholesome sorghum. 

So, based upon this irrefutable evidence from one of the leading Christian Universities in the world, here’s why you need to support greater subsidizes for sorghum:

1. The Body of our Lord was transmitted to his disciples in the form of a loaf made from sorghum. 
2. When we consume this heavenly wafer, we become one with the Almighty.
3. So eating sorghum and sorghum-based products is the fastest way to attain salvation and earn your heavenly reward.
4. Taxation is only legitimate if it helps lead folks to salvation. 
5. Therefore, it is perfectly just and proper to use tax dollars to subsidize sorghum, save all of mankind from the snares of the devil, and ensure that God’s kingdom on earth will be established.

Please feel free to send this argument to your local representative and urge him to continue to support subsidies for the sorghum industry.

Lance B. Dowd
President, Sorghum Association of America